Comics | One Nation, Thunder Dog

A man and a dog

LUDWIG: Hey!! It's the atheist Congresswoman's atheist dog!

LUDWIG: You communist traitor! Keep your hands off my guns! Stop killing babies! We're a Christian nation! Obama = Hitler!!

A pause.

Sound: Pet pet pet

Piece on the air

BUCK: Well, you got your piece on the air.
JEREMY: My piece was about violence between Congress and anti-government protestors, Buck.

JEREMY: Irv's doing 22 minutes on a Congresswoman flubbing a meaningless speech and a protestor tripping on a dog.

JEREMY: I thought I worked for a political opinion show... Turns out I work for Washington's Funniest Home Videos.

JEREMY: (sigh) I wish I could hit IRV in the crotch with a bat...
BUCK: Wouldn't work. He's smooth down there.

An apology

CAROL: I just want to apologize for calling you an atheist last week, dear.
DEB: Oh, I understand. All's fair, I suppose.

CAROL: You know this next week we're painting you as "hobnobbing with lobbyists".
DEB: CAROL! What lobbyists do I "hobnob" with?

CAROL: Well... ME, Deb. We're hobnobbing right now.
DEB: Oh my, that IS true, isn't it?

CAROL: Yes, Tommy's in the bushes there snapping photos.
DEB: Hi Tommy! ... He's not waving back...

Great footage

JEREMY: He screams, then lunges, trips on her dog and falls before he hits her.
IRV: Well, this is great footage.

IRV: But cut out the CONTEXT. Just show him tripping...
JEREMY: But that's the STORY! "Crazy Tea Partier attacks congresswoman"!

IRV: Nonono... the STORY is: FAT GUY trips on CUTE DOG. Ooo, in fact, let's do a retrospective on fat guys falling throughout history.

JEREMY: But... this is a POLITICAL show.
IRV: Fine... POLITICAL fat guys... But work in Jack Black.

The lunge

DEB: You there! Please get your Tea Party folks away from my rose bush!
LUDWIG: It's the atheist Congresswoman! SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

LUDWIG: AUGH!!

DEB: Oh my, I think you may've broken your ankle, dear...
LUDWIG: Keep your socialist ObamaCare hands off me!

DEB: OK. Can I call an ambulance?
LUDWIG: Just leave me BE! Let... OW! ... Let the free market do its work!

Out of hand

TOMMY: This is out of HAND. A guy is waving a pig fetus, in blackface, with a sign saying "Obama's birth was an inside job".

RAMON: The GUY'S in blackface or the PIG is?
TOMMY: Does it MATTER? We just need to distance ourselves from this protest.

RAMON: We set UP the protest.
TOMMY: No... No, no one can PROVE that. This was technically a GRASSROOTS event. We'll just condemn it.

TOMMY: Twitter a statement, Ramon. And use ALL CAPS.
RAMON: My God... The NUCLEAR OPTION.

In your backyard

JEREMY: Rep. Geminari! I'm with the Irv Turner show, can I have an interview?
DEB: Um... sure.

JEREMY: What's your reaction to this Tea Party protest in your own backyard?
DEB: I respect them. The Constitution gives us the right to assemble.

DEB: And I-- HEY! Those little bastards just trampled my PANSIES! You there with the swastika! MOVE IT!

JEREMY: How do you see the role of the State in citizens' lives?
DEB: If they touch my damn AZALEAS, the State's ROLE is gonna be to kick some libertarian ASS!

Low profile

Ending the protest

CAROL: ...so we're here today, to tell Rep. Geminari that we won't stand idly while she and her Democrat cronies hijack our beloved nation! Thank you! And God bless America!!!

A pause.

CAROL: So... so that's it. Protest... over. You Tea Partiers can... can go home.

CAROL: Can... can anyone HEAR me?... My God, have I DIED? Am I a GHOST?!

Filming the protest

TEA PARTIER: You with the camera! You some kinda BLOGGER?!
JEREMY: NO! I mean, YES, I am, but I work for the Irv Turner show!

TEA PARTIER:: All right, well... Irv's a good man.
JEREMY: He can be, yes. Anyway, I'm here to shoot a remote piece about the protest.

TEA PARTIER:: Son, you've got a Flip camera, and no crew. It's not a "remote piece". It's b-roll.
JEREMY: Well, I-

TEA PARTIER:: Now get a shot of me with my "Bela Pelosi" poster... Here, I'll pretend to yell...
JEREMY: (sigh) FINE...