Comics with Grimm the statistician | One Nation, Thunder Dog

The pledge

LINDA: How's the Congresswoman's talk with the inner-city kids going?
GRIMM: Code 85. Her teleprompter's scrambled.

GRIMM: She's leading them in the pledge of allegiance now.
LINDA: How's she doing?

DEB: One nation…
INNER-CITY KIDS: One nation!
DEB: Thunder dog…
INNER-CITY KIDS: Thunder dog!

GRIMM: Not great.
LINDA: Well… no racial slurs, at least, if we wanna bright-side it.

A poll is posted

GRIMM: Your unfavorables have gone up FIVE POINTS since the pledge incident.
DEB: There's a POLL up?

GRIMM: A push poll posted.
DEB: A PUSH poll? What people push-poll me?

GRIMM: Oh, PLENTY of people push-poll you. PROGRESSIVE people, POPULIST people-
DEB: PROGRESSIVE people push-poll me?

GRIMM: PRIMARILY progressive people push-poll you.
DEB: PREPOSTEROUS!
LINDA: Hey, ABBOTT AND COSTELLO, let's FOCUS!

Great faith

GRIMM: Ma'am, your opponents will turn this pledge of allegiance slip into a political STAKE through your heart.
DEB: They'll try...

DEB: But people will see THROUGH it. I have a GREAT faith in my constituents' judgement.
GRIMM: You do. Which is a catastrophic liability.

DEB: As well as a strong belief that VOTERS LOVE FACTS!
GRIMM: Despite decades of hard evidence to the contrary.

DEB: The TRUTH will set me free!
GRIMM: Yes... you'll soon be free you from the burden of elected office.

Out in front

GRIMM: Congresswoman, we need to get out in FRONT of this!
DEB: I dunno, I think overall things went WELL.

GRIMM: "Well"? You BUTCHERED the pledge of allegiance!
DEB: Well, YES, but APART from that.

GRIMM: Oh, yes, WELL, apart from GENOCIDE, the Jangaweed are a DELIGHT!

DEB: JANGAWEED… should I know what that is? Is it a... WILDFLOWER?
LINDA: Yes. A genocidal wildflower.

No drama

GRIMM: Ma'am, our polling is-
DEB: Let's... be BOLD here. Let's take the "NO DRAMA" approach. Let's not let them POLITICIZE this.

GRIMM: But at the very least we-
DEB: NO DRAMA!

LINDA: What's the "no drama" approach?
GRIMM: "No DRAMA"? "No DRAMA" means "IGNORE IT and hope it just GOES AWAY".

GRIMM: "No DRAMA" means "sit idly BY while decades of PROGRESS are HIJACKED by bitter right-wing IDEOLOGUES"!
LINDA: That's... pretty dramatic.

Full-court press

LINDA: OK, it's a full-court press this afternoon on this "no drama" thing, people. We're pushing a media narrative that Rep. Geminari "isn't worried".

LINDA: Let's get her in front of calm backdrops: Coffee shops, parks, long walks on the beach. A full relaxation media tour. But NO, I repeat, NO alcohol.

LINDA: All public statements should have a consistent, breezy language. Minimize hard consonants. And we need a personal trainer to work on her posture.

STAFFER: This is a lot of work to look like we don't care.
LINDA: That's because we DO care. Now... who knows a good smile consultant?

No slumping

GRIMM: Now drink your tea, then laugh a little. And sit UP, no SLUMPING.
DEB: But I'm supposed to look RELAXED.

GRIMM: Yes, RELAXED, but not TIRED. Tired means BEATEN. We're not beaten. We're not even PLAYING.
DEB: (sigh)

GRIMM: Now after this, we're going to a street fair in Anacostia.
DEB: Grimm! I need to be at that transportation subcommittee meeting! I want to LEGISLATE!

GRIMM: You'll legislate. But first you'll eat funnel cake.
DEB: I'm gonna get there LATE... Jerry Nadler's gonna take all the PRETZELS...

A tough Democrat

GRIMM: Rep. Geminari, you cannot talk to the Tea Partiers. You'd be ripped to shreds.
CHAR: I think you underestimate me.

DEB: I'm a tough cookie. I can handle myself at a protest. What if I just go out there, look them in the eyes...

DEB: And explain to them that the Stimulus Package is not an enormous expansion of government largesse, but an aggregation of temporary projects designed to triage an ailing economy.

GRIMM: They would disembowel you and sell your bloodied pantsuit on eBay.
DEB: But I'd be SHOUTING it... Or at least raising my voice.

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