Comics with Linda the legislative director | One Nation, Thunder Dog

The pledge

LINDA: How's the Congresswoman's talk with the inner-city kids going?
GRIMM: Code 85. Her teleprompter's scrambled.

GRIMM: She's leading them in the pledge of allegiance now.
LINDA: How's she doing?

DEB: One nation…
INNER-CITY KIDS: One nation!
DEB: Thunder dog…
INNER-CITY KIDS: Thunder dog!

GRIMM: Not great.
LINDA: Well… no racial slurs, at least, if we wanna bright-side it.

A poll is posted

GRIMM: Your unfavorables have gone up FIVE POINTS since the pledge incident.
DEB: There's a POLL up?

GRIMM: A push poll posted.
DEB: A PUSH poll? What people push-poll me?

GRIMM: Oh, PLENTY of people push-poll you. PROGRESSIVE people, POPULIST people-
DEB: PROGRESSIVE people push-poll me?

GRIMM: PRIMARILY progressive people push-poll you.
DEB: PREPOSTEROUS!
LINDA: Hey, ABBOTT AND COSTELLO, let's FOCUS!

Great faith

GRIMM: Ma'am, your opponents will turn this pledge of allegiance slip into a political STAKE through your heart.
DEB: They'll try...

DEB: But people will see THROUGH it. I have a GREAT faith in my constituents' judgement.
GRIMM: You do. Which is a catastrophic liability.

DEB: As well as a strong belief that VOTERS LOVE FACTS!
GRIMM: Despite decades of hard evidence to the contrary.

DEB: The TRUTH will set me free!
GRIMM: Yes... you'll soon be free you from the burden of elected office.

Out in front

GRIMM: Congresswoman, we need to get out in FRONT of this!
DEB: I dunno, I think overall things went WELL.

GRIMM: "Well"? You BUTCHERED the pledge of allegiance!
DEB: Well, YES, but APART from that.

GRIMM: Oh, yes, WELL, apart from GENOCIDE, the Jangaweed are a DELIGHT!

DEB: JANGAWEED… should I know what that is? Is it a... WILDFLOWER?
LINDA: Yes. A genocidal wildflower.

My opponent’s plans

LINDA: Grimm's right. The Repubs are gonna eviscerate us on this.
DEB: Oh, I dunno. Let me call my opponent and see what her plans are...

DEB: Hi Carol! How're YOU? Ha! Yes... Well, EXACTLY... Yes, OF COURSE... Ha! That's what I said! No, I hope so, TOO... Oh, I'd LOVE to! OK dear... talk to you later...

LINDA: Well?
DEB: You were right. On Monday afternoon, Carol will rip into us, right where the poop comes out.

DEB: But the good news is, she sent me fun new pictures of her GRANDKIDS!
LINDA: Comity is so WEIRD...

No drama

GRIMM: Ma'am, our polling is-
DEB: Let's... be BOLD here. Let's take the "NO DRAMA" approach. Let's not let them POLITICIZE this.

GRIMM: But at the very least we-
DEB: NO DRAMA!

LINDA: What's the "no drama" approach?
GRIMM: "No DRAMA"? "No DRAMA" means "IGNORE IT and hope it just GOES AWAY".

GRIMM: "No DRAMA" means "sit idly BY while decades of PROGRESS are HIJACKED by bitter right-wing IDEOLOGUES"!
LINDA: That's... pretty dramatic.

Full-court press

LINDA: OK, it's a full-court press this afternoon on this "no drama" thing, people. We're pushing a media narrative that Rep. Geminari "isn't worried".

LINDA: Let's get her in front of calm backdrops: Coffee shops, parks, long walks on the beach. A full relaxation media tour. But NO, I repeat, NO alcohol.

LINDA: All public statements should have a consistent, breezy language. Minimize hard consonants. And we need a personal trainer to work on her posture.

STAFFER: This is a lot of work to look like we don't care.
LINDA: That's because we DO care. Now... who knows a good smile consultant?

Avoiding the protest

LINDA: OK... Change of plans. Driver, head to the Congresswoman's apartment.
DEB: I... I thought we were going to my office...

LINDA: Your sister is planning a protest there, we're going to turtle at home until it blows over.
DEB: B-but I had a meeting with the AMTRAK CFO!

LINDA: It'll have to wait.
DEB: I don't WANT it to wait! I want to discuss intercity railroad funding initiatives NOW!

DEB: (sigh) We... we were gonna detail a pathway to solvency... (sniff) via an expanded Northeast corridor model...
LINDA: I know, ma'am. I know...

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