Comics with the Republicans | One Nation, Thunder Dog

An outrage

TOMMY: We need to get out in front of this, Carol! Rep. Geminari's pledge of allegiance "mistake" is an outrage!
CAROL: Oh, I don't know…

TOMMY: She omitted "under God", Carol! It fits the "Democrats as Pontius Pilate" narrative!
CAROL: She just misread the teleprompter, Tommy.

TOMMY: She is attempting to unravel the basic fabric of Christian decency that holds this country together, Carol! It is as deliberate as it is sinister!

CAROL: Are you sure? She is my sister, maybe I should just call and ASK…
TOMMY: I will write this press release with my own blood, Carol!!

My opponent’s plans

LINDA: Grimm's right. The Repubs are gonna eviscerate us on this.
DEB: Oh, I dunno. Let me call my opponent and see what her plans are...

DEB: Hi Carol! How're YOU? Ha! Yes... Well, EXACTLY... Yes, OF COURSE... Ha! That's what I said! No, I hope so, TOO... Oh, I'd LOVE to! OK dear... talk to you later...

LINDA: Well?
DEB: You were right. On Monday afternoon, Carol will rip into us, right where the poop comes out.

DEB: But the good news is, she sent me fun new pictures of her GRANDKIDS!
LINDA: Comity is so WEIRD...

Press conference

TOMMY: OK, I have a press conference set up for this afternoon.
CAROL: Oh! I LOVE press conferences.

TOMMY: We need to frame the pledge mistake as an attack on religion.
CAROL: Let's get some of the local networks there.

TOMMY: I think our first step is painting her as an atheist.
CAROL: That K-LDR reporter, his mother hosts a talk show now.

TOMMY: Or at the very least a Unitarian.
CAROL: I could host a talk show... "Hello!" "HELLOOOOOO!!"

Force her to deny it

CAROL: Now wait, Debbie's not an ATHEIST. She goes to my CHURCH.
TOMMY: It doesn't MATTER! Force HER to deny it!

TOMMY: "Why have we never seen Rep. Geminari's CHURCH CERTIFICATE?"
CAROL: "Church certificate"?

TOMMY: "Where is the evidence she's not FORGED her church certificate from a foreign Muslim ATHEIST church?"
CAROL: No. That's not RIGHT…

CAROL: I think the Muslims call churches "MASKS"...
TOMMY: Don't worry, I'll look this all up on Wikipedia before I finalize it.

Whither R?

TOMMY: FINALLY, we'll have nailed this atheist BITCH to the wall.
RAMON: Yeah... You do know I'M atheist, right?

TOMMY: Are you?
RAMON: I am. I'm GAY, too. For the record.

TOMMY: JESUS. Why are you a REPUBLICAN?
RAMON: Hard to explain. I read an article in the National Review a few years ago that I liked.

RAMON: Now I guess I'm just sort of waiting out all the bullshit.

Calls about the pledge thing

TOMMY: Have we gotten any calls about the pledge thing? It'd be good to mention that in the press conference.
RAMON: Not really, no.

RAMON: We got a few wrong numbers, plus a guy who calls daily in support of keeping the penny in circulation.

TOMMY: Hmm, might be time to lay down some astroturf.

RAMON: Oh, and AT&T made a very compelling offer to upgrade our DSL service.
TOMMY: I wonder how much is in our budget for manufacturing outrage.

A damn truck

RAMON: The Dems are going "no drama", Tommy.
BUCK: How hard are they pushing it?

RAMON: They just sent out a picture of her speedwalking.
BUCK: This is our opening for the church certificate thing. Let's drive a damn TRUCK through it.

RAMON: You get some protestors?
BUCK: Oh, I might've made a few anonymous posts on a few Glenn Beck fansites.

RAMON: Ugh... TEA PARTIERS?
BUCK: Yes, Ramon... When you need to take a MOLEHILL and turn it into a MOUNTAIN of batshit... there's just no one better.

Press conference is now a protest

BUCK: Change of plans. Your press conference is now gonna be a protest.
CAROL: OK. What do I do different?

BUCK: Same speech. You'll just yell more.
CAROL: I should probably POINT a lot, too.

BUCK: Yes. Oh, and drop the pantsuit.

BUCK: Protests are strictly business casual.
CAROL: "HELLO! I'm Carol GEMINARI! I want to THANK you all for BEING here!"

How to act at the protest

BUCK: I want to go over how you Tea Partiers ACT at the protest.
LUDWIG: Sir, I don't CONTROL them. They're free to do or say what they want.

BUCK: CERTAINLY. I'm just talking about FOCUS. I'd hate to have too many messages MUDDLE things.
LUDWIG: Well, I can't promise that. We've got a LOT of problems with this government.

BUCK: (sigh) OK... I guess my real question is... how RACIST are these signs going to be?
LUDWIG: Oh, not too racist. A few Photoshopped PIMP HATS. That's it.

BUCK: GOOD, because I'd love it if we could keep it to just... fun, CARTOONISH racism.
LUDWIG: Oh, yes sir. No SWASTIKAS. Well... Bert's coming. Maybe ONE swastika.

On the way to the protest

BUCK: Carol, this is Ludwig, he's with the Tea Partiers. He'll be introing you at the protest.
CAROL: Thanks for your support.
LUDWIG: I support no one!

BUCK: So we'll open by calling Rep. Geminari an ATHEIST.
CAROL: Oh, will Deb be there?
LUDWIG: Demand to see her church certificate!

BUCK: Yes, we'll be outside her office.
CAROL: Oh, how NICE! I can return her crockpot.
LUDWIG: The revolution begins in the lion's den!

LUDWIG: Hey, can our folks set up booths to sell shirts and pins?
BUCK: Sure, I'll get the permit.