Skip to content
  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Tommy the strategist

A character featured in 6 comics.

An outrage

Jan 3, 2010

TOMMY: We need to get out in front of this, Carol! Rep. Geminari's pledge of allegiance "mistake" is an outrage!
CAROL: Oh, I don't know…
TOMMY: She omitted "under God", Carol! It fits the "Democrats as Pontius Pilate" narrative!
CAROL: She just misread the teleprompter, Tommy.
TOMMY: She is attempting to unravel the basic fabric of Christian decency that holds this country together, Carol! It is as deliberate as it is sinister!
CAROL: Are you sure? She is my sister, maybe I should just call and ASK…
TOMMY: I will write this press release with my own blood, Carol!!

Press conference

Jan 14, 2010

TOMMY: OK, I have a press conference set up for this afternoon.
CAROL: Oh! I LOVE press conferences.
TOMMY: We need to frame the pledge mistake as an attack on religion.
CAROL: Let's get some of the local networks there.
TOMMY: I think our first step is painting her as an atheist.
CAROL: That K-LDR reporter, his mother hosts a talk show now.
TOMMY: Or at the very least a Unitarian.
CAROL: I could host a talk show... "Hello!" "HELLOOOOOO!!"

Force her to deny it

Jan 17, 2010

CAROL: Now wait, Debbie's not an ATHEIST. She goes to my CHURCH.
TOMMY: It doesn't MATTER! Force HER to deny it!
TOMMY: "Why have we never seen Rep. Geminari's CHURCH CERTIFICATE?"
CAROL: "Church certificate"?
TOMMY: "Where is the evidence she's not FORGED her church certificate from a foreign Muslim ATHEIST church?"
CAROL: No. That's not RIGHT…
CAROL: I think the Muslims call churches "MASKS"...
TOMMY: Don't worry, I'll look this all up on Wikipedia before I finalize it.

Whither R?

Jan 19, 2010

TOMMY: FINALLY, we'll have nailed this atheist BITCH to the wall.
RAMON: Yeah... You do know I'M atheist, right?
TOMMY: Are you?
RAMON: I am. I'm GAY, too. For the record.
TOMMY: JESUS. Why are you a REPUBLICAN?
RAMON: Hard to explain. I read an article in the National Review a few years ago that I liked.
RAMON: Now I guess I'm just sort of waiting out all the bullshit.

Calls about the pledge thing

Jan 25, 2010

TOMMY: Have we gotten any calls about the pledge thing? It'd be good to mention that in the press conference.
RAMON: Not really, no.
RAMON: We got a few wrong numbers, plus a guy who calls daily in support of keeping the penny in circulation.
TOMMY: Hmm, might be time to lay down some astroturf.
RAMON: Oh, and AT&T made a very compelling offer to upgrade our DSL service.
TOMMY: I wonder how much is in our budget for manufacturing outrage.

Out of hand

Mar 22, 2010

TOMMY: This is out of HAND. A guy is waving a pig fetus, in blackface, with a sign saying "Obama's birth was an inside job".
RAMON: The GUY'S in blackface or the PIG is?
TOMMY: Does it MATTER? We just need to distance ourselves from this protest.
RAMON: We set UP the protest.
TOMMY: No... No, no one can PROVE that. This was technically a GRASSROOTS event. We'll just condemn it.
TOMMY: Twitter a statement, Ramon. And use ALL CAPS.
RAMON: My God... The NUCLEAR OPTION.

One Nation, Thunder Dog

  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
© 2023, Porter Mason, All Rights Reserved.