Comics with Irv the talking head | One Nation, Thunder Dog

Big news

JEREMY: We could lead with Rep. Geminari flubbing the pledge of allegiance. It's in all the major blogs, sort of big news…
IRV: BLOGS??!

IRV: It's not news until it's on MY TV SHOW, Tran! It's not news until Irv Turner says so!
JEREMY: All right, well, we also have a piece about redistricting.

JEREMY: Yes, sir. I'll… Twitter them.
IRV: Oh good, yes, I think they'd like that.

More sizzle

IRV: OK, the pledge piece... We need more sizzle! More video!
BUCK: There's nothing there. She misspoke slightly, and immediately corrected herself.

IRV: Well, just edit together video to make it seem like HAS. C'mon!
BUCK: Sure. Some good old fashioned lying.

IRV: It's not "lying", Buck. We're an OPINION show.
BUCK: No deal, Irv. I have a Master's in Journalism. And I refuse to edit clips of the movie Flubber.

Dog-based flubs

JEREMY: For the "One Nation, Thunder Dog" piece, I'm editing video to make it seem like Rep. Geminari OFTEN makes dog-based flubs of famous American quotes.

JEREMY: So far, I can make her say "life, liberty and the pursuit of PUPPY mess", "we, the POODLE" and "ask not if your country can pick up POO".

IRV: What about "free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty-"

JEREMY: "...bichon frise at last." Way ahead of you, but she doesn't quote KING much, and she rarely mentions FRENCH breeds.

Not much response

IRV: How's the pledge piece coming?
BUCK: Not much response from the Geminari camp, Irv. They're going "no drama".

IRV: How bad is it?
BUCK: They released a 35-minute video of her QUIETLY READING.

IRV: All right... well, let's double up on editing the video. She won't talk? We'll talk for her.

BUCK: So... just keep making up news then?
IRV: Well, if she won't issue any rash, reactionary statements, she gives us no choice.

Think bigger

IRV: Look, let's move past this as just a dog-based fumbling of the pledge of allegiance, OK?
JEREMY: But... that's what HAPPENED.

IRV: It's SMALL-BALL. We've got to think BIGGER. It's not a FLUB, it's a FREUDIAN SLIP. She's got a dog OBSESSION... She hates AMERICA... Maybe a dogfighting angle... Ooo, or BESTIALITY!

JEREMY: You're aware there's no proof of ANY of that.
IRV: Then you edit some VIDEO, and you MAKE some proof!

JEREMY: OK! I'll see what I can do!
IRV: You'll get her having SEX with foreign, terrorist, illegal immigrant DOGS by 5pm, and you'll LIKE IT!

Government vs. politics

JEREMY: Irv, I can't DO this. Editing clips of this Congresswoman, painting her as something she's NOT... I mean, it's just, there's actual, REAL stuff going on in D.C. right now!

JEREMY: Why don't we report on GOVERNMENT, instead of just... POLITICS?
IRV: GOVERNMENT is about oversight hearings and appropriations requests.

IRV: POLITICS is about lying and fucking. It's NOT a hard call.

IRV: Now get back to work. I need video of her making love to a pack of Taliban labradors.

Great footage

JEREMY: He screams, then lunges, trips on her dog and falls before he hits her.
IRV: Well, this is great footage.

IRV: But cut out the CONTEXT. Just show him tripping...
JEREMY: But that's the STORY! "Crazy Tea Partier attacks congresswoman"!

IRV: Nonono... the STORY is: FAT GUY trips on CUTE DOG. Ooo, in fact, let's do a retrospective on fat guys falling throughout history.

JEREMY: But... this is a POLITICAL show.
IRV: Fine... POLITICAL fat guys... But work in Jack Black.

Piece on the air

BUCK: Well, you got your piece on the air.
JEREMY: My piece was about violence between Congress and anti-government protestors, Buck.

JEREMY: Irv's doing 22 minutes on a Congresswoman flubbing a meaningless speech and a protestor tripping on a dog.

JEREMY: I thought I worked for a political opinion show... Turns out I work for Washington's Funniest Home Videos.

JEREMY: (sigh) I wish I could hit IRV in the crotch with a bat...
BUCK: Wouldn't work. He's smooth down there.