Comics with Jeremy the secret blogger | One Nation, Thunder Dog

Big news

JEREMY: We could lead with Rep. Geminari flubbing the pledge of allegiance. It's in all the major blogs, sort of big news…
IRV: BLOGS??!

IRV: It's not news until it's on MY TV SHOW, Tran! It's not news until Irv Turner says so!
JEREMY: All right, well, we also have a piece about redistricting.

JEREMY: Yes, sir. I'll… Twitter them.
IRV: Oh good, yes, I think they'd like that.

Real journalist

BUCK: OK, kid, we need to edit video of Geminari to make her look like a GAFFE-machine.
JEREMY: Ugh...

BUCK: Yeah, I don't like it either. But my name's not in the title.
JEREMY: Why d'you even WORK on this asshole's show, Buck? You're a real JOURNALIST.

BUCK: Well, at the last paper I was at, I had an editor who won a Pulitzer, and I'll never forget something he once said to me...
JEREMY: What's that?

BUCK: "This newspaper's closing. Find another job."
JEREMY: (Wow... a PULITZER.)

Credit my blog

JEREMY: I was wondering if it'd be possible to credit my BLOG on this story... we actually broke it.
BUCK: What a surprise. You have a blog.

JEREMY: I actually run, "Here Comes Everything". It's one of the most popular moderate political blogs running.
BUCK: Is it? Why do you work here then?

JEREMY: Well, I, uh, hope that by, y'know, working in the mainstream media, I can change the system from the INSIDE.
BUCK: Right. And?

JEREMY: And I only make $8.62 a month from my Google ads.
BUCK: Exactly. I'll credit your blog when it pays for your ProActiv cream, Jeremy.

Dog-based flubs

JEREMY: For the "One Nation, Thunder Dog" piece, I'm editing video to make it seem like Rep. Geminari OFTEN makes dog-based flubs of famous American quotes.

JEREMY: So far, I can make her say "life, liberty and the pursuit of PUPPY mess", "we, the POODLE" and "ask not if your country can pick up POO".

IRV: What about "free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty-"

JEREMY: "...bichon frise at last." Way ahead of you, but she doesn't quote KING much, and she rarely mentions FRENCH breeds.

Think bigger

IRV: Look, let's move past this as just a dog-based fumbling of the pledge of allegiance, OK?
JEREMY: But... that's what HAPPENED.

IRV: It's SMALL-BALL. We've got to think BIGGER. It's not a FLUB, it's a FREUDIAN SLIP. She's got a dog OBSESSION... She hates AMERICA... Maybe a dogfighting angle... Ooo, or BESTIALITY!

JEREMY: You're aware there's no proof of ANY of that.
IRV: Then you edit some VIDEO, and you MAKE some proof!

JEREMY: OK! I'll see what I can do!
IRV: You'll get her having SEX with foreign, terrorist, illegal immigrant DOGS by 5pm, and you'll LIKE IT!

Government vs. politics

JEREMY: Irv, I can't DO this. Editing clips of this Congresswoman, painting her as something she's NOT... I mean, it's just, there's actual, REAL stuff going on in D.C. right now!

JEREMY: Why don't we report on GOVERNMENT, instead of just... POLITICS?
IRV: GOVERNMENT is about oversight hearings and appropriations requests.

IRV: POLITICS is about lying and fucking. It's NOT a hard call.

IRV: Now get back to work. I need video of her making love to a pack of Taliban labradors.

Doing a remote

BUCK: The Tea Partiers are gonna protest Geminari. We should get out there with a camera, get some footage for tonight.
JEREMY: A REMOTE piece! A CREW!

BUCK: No, you go alone. Just take THIS.
JEREMY: This is just my IPHONE...

JEREMY: I'm filming it with THIS? SERIOUSLY? That SUCKS.

BUCK: Fake citizen outrage deserves fake citizen journalism.
JEREMY: Hey, wait... why did you have MY iPhone?

Filming the protest

TEA PARTIER: You with the camera! You some kinda BLOGGER?!
JEREMY: NO! I mean, YES, I am, but I work for the Irv Turner show!

TEA PARTIER:: All right, well... Irv's a good man.
JEREMY: He can be, yes. Anyway, I'm here to shoot a remote piece about the protest.

TEA PARTIER:: Son, you've got a Flip camera, and no crew. It's not a "remote piece". It's b-roll.
JEREMY: Well, I-

TEA PARTIER:: Now get a shot of me with my "Bela Pelosi" poster... Here, I'll pretend to yell...
JEREMY: (sigh) FINE...

In your backyard

JEREMY: Rep. Geminari! I'm with the Irv Turner show, can I have an interview?
DEB: Um... sure.

JEREMY: What's your reaction to this Tea Party protest in your own backyard?
DEB: I respect them. The Constitution gives us the right to assemble.

DEB: And I-- HEY! Those little bastards just trampled my PANSIES! You there with the swastika! MOVE IT!

JEREMY: How do you see the role of the State in citizens' lives?
DEB: If they touch my damn AZALEAS, the State's ROLE is gonna be to kick some libertarian ASS!

Great footage

JEREMY: He screams, then lunges, trips on her dog and falls before he hits her.
IRV: Well, this is great footage.

IRV: But cut out the CONTEXT. Just show him tripping...
JEREMY: But that's the STORY! "Crazy Tea Partier attacks congresswoman"!

IRV: Nonono... the STORY is: FAT GUY trips on CUTE DOG. Ooo, in fact, let's do a retrospective on fat guys falling throughout history.

JEREMY: But... this is a POLITICAL show.
IRV: Fine... POLITICAL fat guys... But work in Jack Black.