Character

Tommy the strategist

Tommy is Carol‘s strategist. He sees each small mistake as a deliberate attack on Christian decency, and he always wants to get out in front of it.

He turned Deb‘s flubbed pledge of allegiance into a Tea Party protest, with help from Ludwig. Then he had Ramon condemn the protest, in all caps. He checks his facts on Wikipedia, before he finalizes anything.

10 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 1 #23. How to act at the protest

February 18, 2010

TOMMY: I want to go over how you Tea Partiers ACT at the protest.
LUDWIG: Sir, I don't CONTROL them. They're free to do or say what they want.

TOMMY: CERTAINLY. I'm just talking about FOCUS. I'd hate to have too many messages MUDDLE things.
LUDWIG: Well, I can't promise that. We've got a LOT of problems with this government.

TOMMY: (sigh) OK... I guess my real question is... how RACIST are these signs going to be?
LUDWIG: Oh, not too racist. A few Photoshopped PIMP HATS. That's it.

TOMMY: GOOD, because I'd love it if we could keep it to just... fun, CARTOONISH racism.
LUDWIG: Oh, yes sir. No SWASTIKAS. Well... Bert's coming. Maybe ONE swastika.

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Popularity rank 2 #3. An outrage

January 3, 2010

TOMMY: We need to get out in front of this, Carol! Rep. Geminari's pledge of allegiance "mistake" is an outrage!
CAROL: Oh, I don't know…

TOMMY: She omitted "under God", Carol! It fits the "Democrats as Pontius Pilate" narrative!
CAROL: She just misread the teleprompter, Tommy.

TOMMY: She is attempting to unravel the basic fabric of Christian decency that holds this country together, Carol! It is as deliberate as it is sinister!

CAROL: Are you sure? She is my sister, maybe I should just call and ASK…
TOMMY: I will write this press release with my own blood, Carol!!

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Popularity rank 3 #26. On the way to the protest

February 25, 2010

TOMMY: Carol, this is Ludwig, he's with the Tea Partiers. He'll be introing you at the protest.
CAROL: Thanks for your support.
LUDWIG: I support no one!

TOMMY: So we'll open by calling Rep. Geminari an ATHEIST.
CAROL: Oh, will Deb be there?
LUDWIG: Demand to see her church certificate!

TOMMY: Yes, we'll be outside her office.
CAROL: Oh, how NICE! I can return her crockpot.
LUDWIG: The revolution begins in the lion's den!

LUDWIG: Hey, can our folks set up booths to sell shirts and pins?
TOMMY: Sure, I'll get the permit.

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Popularity rank 4 #21. Press conference is now a protest

February 14, 2010

TOMMY: Change of plans. Your press conference is now gonna be a protest.
CAROL: OK. What do I do different?

TOMMY: Same speech. You'll just yell more.
CAROL: I should probably POINT a lot, too.

TOMMY: Protests are strictly business casual.
CAROL: "HELLO! I'm Carol GEMINARI! I want to THANK you all for BEING here!"

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Popularity rank 5 #11. Calls about the pledge thing

January 25, 2010

TOMMY: Have we gotten any calls about the pledge thing? It'd be good to mention that in the press conference.
RAMON: Not really, no.

RAMON: We got a few wrong numbers, plus a guy who calls daily in support of keeping the penny in circulation.

TOMMY: Hmm, might be time to lay down some astroturf.

RAMON: Oh, and AT&T made a very compelling offer to upgrade our DSL service.
TOMMY: I wonder how much is in our budget for manufacturing outrage.

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